Ask Alice — Advice for All

Dear Alice,
I am a 30-year old single woman who is struggling with a drinking problem and living at home with my parents and not paying rent. I have ignored the signs of my problem with alcohol for years, but my family has recently confronted me because I can’t keep a job, I drink frequently with a group of unmarried friends and have few goals.
I used to think about the future and feel excited about it. I was athletic, but now I do nothing much during the day. I find that I am focusing only on hanging out with my friends and partying. I even find myself missing college life, when I had no responsibilities.
I haven’t wanted to see myself as dysfunctional, but I now observe that many of my old friends are married, have good jobs, and have started families. I know this is not the life that I thought I’d have. I want more, but I don’t know what to do to change my situation. Can you offer any guidance?
— Lost

Dear Lost,
Often people with a substance abuse problem don’t recognize it in themselves. You are fortunate your family has identified this and that you are receptive to changing your life. Alcohol has a powerful impact on some people, and in your situation, your lack of goals and continuing interest in partying are of great concern. Living with your parents at age 30 is not conducive to creating a better life for yourself. You need to take steps to move out, live on your own, and become responsible for yourself. You are young, college-educated, and have your family’s emotional support. It is time to give up their financial support and move on.
I recommend that you begin to find friends with whom you can associate without drinking. I’m sure you could rekindle an interest in athletic activities by finding a gym and returning to a more physically active life. Spend time evaluating the life you would like to have. What interests you besides partying? What kind of job would be meaningful to you? You may find that your head clears up without alcohol, and your motivation improves as well.
Attending Alcoholic’s Anonymous may offer you the framework to overcome your dependence on alcohol as well as introduce you to people who are actively seeking to live without this drug. Reading about overcoming substance abuse problems may also be of help to you. A specially trained addictions therapist may be useful in helping you identify your strengths and recognize your vulnerabilities. This person may be able to teach you the skills to find and maintain a job that will help you regain your independence.
Being financially responsible is also likely to increase your interest in staying employed. Don’t get discouraged if this takes some time since you have spent a number of years in your current lifestyle.
By committing to a healthier, substance-free life, one day at a time, you are more likely to achieve it. Good luck.
— Alice