To Grandparents' House We Go

– By April Miller –

The birth of a grandchild is an exciting and wonderful time. But after years of not hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in the house, is it difficult for grandparents to adjust to all a child brings.

We talked with several grandparents, all contributors to The Rye Record, who look forward to every visit by their grandchildren and even manage to keep their homes grandchildren-friendly and intact.

John Schwartz has 15 grandchildren between the ages of 4 months and 12 years, which more than qualifies him as an expert on the subject. Rather than putting away valuables or changing everything in your home around when grandchildren visit, he recommends designating a room just for the kids when they come. "If you have a room for them, filled with toys, they won't be running amok all over the house," said Mr. Schwartz, whose home also has a basketball hoop, swing set and playhouse outside, to encourage outdoor play.

But sometimes it's too cold to play outside, and for some grandparents with a lot of breakable valuables and stainable sofas and chairs, it's better to keep those things out of reach. When Arthur Stampleman's two grandchildren come for a visit, he and his wife put away their artwork, sculptures and special dishes, and pull out the high chair, crib and inflatable bed. The perfectly arranged furniture gets pushed out of the way. But they are happy to do it.

The Stamplemans also find ways to keep the kids busy outside the house, with trips to the playground, Rye Town Park, and the beach. But Mr. Stampleman warns, "Don't try to overdo it; grandparents don't have the same energy they had as parents." He also recommends reading lots of books and watching movies. "And don't forget towels under the highchair!” he added.

One way to keep grandchildren from getting into things they shouldn't is to let them think they can go wherever they want, says Mary Gerster. When she became a grandmother, she filled child-accessible drawers in different rooms with crayons, paint, Tupperware and measuring cups. She keeps a mini-fridge stocked with child-friendly snacks and juice boxes her grandkids can take for themselves. But she also keeps safety locks on bathroom and kitchen cabinets and places she doesn't want them to go.

The Gersters moved last year to a house on the water in Rowayton. "We made the house as welcoming and safe for them as possible, so that we can enjoy them without stress," Mary said. "Isn't that what grandchildren are for?"

Safety comes first at Paul Hicks' household, too. "Because we have glass top tables and sharp edges everywhere, we put 'bumpers' on everything," said the grandfather of six. "We also have an overly friendly dog, so we put up gates to separate kids and dog when necessary." Like Mr. Schwartz, Mr. Hicks advocates having an outside area for kids to play. "We are fortunate to have a backyard, jungle gym and toys outside, which takes the pressure off the inside."

Linda Kurtz sees the role of a grandparent as that of a teacher, one who can help a child understand and respect that some things aren't toys and shouldn't be touched. "It's an honor to have my grandkids in my house, but that doesn't mean they should have free reign of it. A key part of being a grandparent is teaching respect." She and her husband, Bob, don't believe in putting away all their nice things just because grandchildren are coming over, but will tell the kids not to touch certain things. Most importantly, the Kurtzes make sure the grandchildren have their own space with things to do, so they don't feel the need to touch things they shouldn't. "We try to make our house a fun place for them."

Overall, these grandparents agree that creating a space for kids to play inside, along with plenty of outside activities will keep them entertained and well behaved. The safety of grandchildren and breakable items is important, but easy to ensure with a little effort.

If you're still concerned about making your house child-friendly without losing your white carpet and antique vases in the process, there are plenty of resources available for grandparents. Web sites such as The Foundation of Grandparenting (www.grandparenting.org) and books such as “Grandparenting: How to Meet Its Responsibilities” by Godfrey Harris and “The Grandparent Solution” by Dr. Arthur Kornhaber offer tips and advice.